down??

So my family from Ireland just left after being here for two weeks. Those two weeks consisted of eatin out almost everyday. I was stressed to the max. Eating all that food led to everyone talking about how much weight they were gaining, or what they're going to do to get rid of the wieght. Needless to say it was quite stressful to listen to them all piss and moan about it. Somehow (MIRACULOUSLY!!!) I've managed to lose almost 5lbs in these 2 weeks. I wasn't even trying. I was planning on getting ack on track once they left. But maybe cuz I was so stressed about it I was subconsciously NOT eating as much as everyone. Is it possible that not stressing about it and not constantly counting my calories has acutally worked to my advantage?!?! Has it actually helped me to gain control over my eating and lose weight? What a crazy concept? I'm not sure how I feel about it .....

stresssmesss

So i registered for school today, only to find out I was supposed to pay $440 by 4.30 today. Clearly that didn't happen. Money is stressing me out. I'm working two jobs, but i still seem to be drowning. And now I'm going back to school, which will cut into possible working time. Am I completely crazy?
I have a hard time justifying going back to school right now. I can't make myself wrap my head around the fact that it WILL help me in the future. I just can't get it when I'm struggling so much right now. I KNOW it will help me, but how can I put that much money into it right now when I'm not getting anything back right away.
I"m going to have to find some way to run on as little sleep as possible. I'll have to get as much sleep in the next two weeks as I can to make it through the next year lol I just hope Winners keeps me on past the store opening cuz I'm truly screwed if I don't have that job! Fuck! Why did I ever give up the Bad Boy job?? I was guarenteed good hours and fairly good money! Fuck I'm a moron!! Why do I do this shit to myself. I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole.

I can only blame myself :(

Out of sorts

I'm feeling really out of sorts lately and I dunno what to do. Life has been a little hectic between money woes and not being able to find a job :( And I'm not really sure who I have to turn to. Yeah, I've got friends, but all my good girlfriends live out of town ... and there's only so much you can say over the phone/net. I don't really feel like I have any close gf's in London to go and talk to. I have people who say they will be there for me, and people who i sit and listen to when they need a friend, but I don't really feel that I have anyone that I can share my deepest thoughts and worries with. Obviously I have Darryl, but there's only so much you can say to your bf.

Maybe my expectations are too high? But how can they not be? I've been hurt so many times in the past by some of these people that I have to put my guard all the way up. I used to trust way to easily and now I've found that I can't trust at all. I dunno what to do with myself. It's just bringing me down. And I feel like when I do get the chance to see/talk with my long distance friends I don't want to waste that time on depressing little things when I can catch up on all the exciting and happy things going on in their lives.

I feel like I'm always there for people, but most of the time it's never reciprocated :( And I'm not even sure I know how to make new gf's anymore. I mean I work for my sister, so i can't make friends there; and I'm not in school, so where else do people meet good people now? I'm making myself sound like a really depressing loner! And I'm not. I guess I'm just down cuz I miss the friends that aren't here. And I wish the girls that aren't here, could replace the stupid bitchy ones that don't actually know how to be friends that are here. Ugh. All I want to do is go over to a gf's house and chat now, but I'm stuck crying to my blog. What a bum.

Lost in technology?

So our power just went out (it's almost noon). It's amazing how lost I felt for those ... oh 5mins? Obviously I had no internet. Then I went to call my sis to see if her power was out, but we only have cordless phones, so that didn't work. I was gonna take a shower, but it was dark in the bathroom (damn apartment not having a window in the bathroom!!) I panicked a little cuz I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. Then I noticed the power was back on and I thought "well, that was really silly of me to get worried about it".

It's so unbelievably sad that I panicked cuz I wasn't going to have power today. Today, this beautiful, warm and sunny day. What would I ever do with myself? It figures it's the day that I planned to stay inside, make phone calls and search the internet for jobs. But fear not, the power is back, and I can go on living my life!!!

Writing this has made me want to close up shop on all plans and go lie in the park reading. Unfortunately I DO have to get stuff done that requires power. But maybe once I'm done I'll notice the power has gone off again .......

What would our society do without all this technology that we 'need' to live?!?!

Self Fulfilling Prophecy??

So I have an interview today ...nothing exciting, just a receptionist/customer service job at a furniture store. I haven't really put much thought into it until today. Things have been crazy, which I thought was good cuz it meant I wouldn't stress about it. But the whole morning I have spent putting myself down for absolutely NO reason whatsoever!! Why do I do this to myself? There is nothing to imply that I won't get this job, and yet I sit here as I do my hair and makeup and make up excuses for why I won't get it! Why do I do this to myself?!?! I only end up setting myself up by doing this!! I know I am quite capable of getting this job, I HAVE the experience, and yet I still put myself down! Am I just setting myself up for failure in the end?

My god, I'm my own worst enemy!!!

Rainy day Fever ...

Rainy days suck in an apartment! It's raining hardcore here today and I love the rain, but living in an apartment totally puts a damper on the day! (no pun intended!) Sitting on the balcony is fine ... except that I look right into the building across the parking lot. And there's only SO much fat person I can watch in one day. Lying in bed reading worked out for all of 10mins. Sometimes I love this place and sometimes I hate it! I want to curl up beside a window and watch the rain, and read, and feel the breeze and enjoy the day.

I'm going shopping.

Day Zero Project

101 (+) Things in 1001 days ....

June 16, 2009 to March 13, 2012

They don't have to be done in any particular oder, they just have to be done before the end date.

1. weigh 175
2. get a gym membership
3. learn how to run 5k
4. get my 'live, laugh, love' tat
5. apply to teachers college
6. get accepted to teachers college
7. weigh 160
8. graduate teachers college
9. write a letter to my dad telling him everything I couldn't say
10. write a letter to my mum telling her everything I couldn't say
11. get my own car -- June 25, 2009
12. weigh 150
13. have someone tell me I look great and know that they actually mean it!
14. be able to do 500 crunches in 1 sitting
15. fast for 24 hours
16. save up $500 and go on a shopping spree
17. run the 5k run for ovarian cancer (the whole way)
18. look into getting a breast reduction
19. weigh 140
20. feel comfortable at a gym
21. wear a proper bikini
22. own at least 2 bras that actually fit
23. get a wii fit
24. take a yoga class
25. take a pilates class
26. take a trip out of country
27. go camping with Darryl
28. go to the beach and actually wear a bathing suit
29. learn to crochet
30. crochet/knit a throw
31. wear a size 9
32. weigh 130
33. cut red meat out of my diet
34. wear a size 7
35. go to at least one concert
36. save enough money to go on a trip
37. overcome BED
38. get more organized
39. fast for 36 hours
40. stop dwelling on the past
41. work on my jealousy
42. try not to care what people think
43. stop trying to impress people
44. save up to buy a house one day
45. pay off my credit cards
46. fast for 48 hours
47. remove negative people from my life
48. fast for 60 hours
49. get a "B" average in my pre-req courses
50. take the GRE exam and pass with flying colours
51. refresh my spanish
52. donate to a local charity
53. write a letter to Katherine telling her everything I never could say
54. burn 3500 cals (= 1lb of fat) in one day
55. learn to say no to my family
56. go to the drive in
57. go ice skating at Victoria park
58. go away for a romantic weekend with Darryl
59. STOP drinking pop
60. learn to eat at least 2 servings of fruit/veg EVERYDAY
61. cut junk food out of my diet for a month
62. weigh 125
63. overcome my fear of vomit
64. learn to stand up for myself
65. complete a proper detox
66. walk 3 days a week for 30 mins each
67. give up alcohol for at least 6 months
68. treat myself to a day at the spa
69. go back to weight watchers
70. walk 3 days a week for 45 mins each
71. start and complete running program
72. put 5% of every pay cheque (all jobs) into savings
73. spend a day in bed reading (and don't feel guilty about it!!!)
74. spend a day in bed with Darryl watching movies
75. walk 4 times a week for 45 mins each
76. come off anxiety/sleeping pills
77. visit Grandad
78. learn sign language
79. stop procrastinating
80. work multiple jobs at once to save money
81. wear and short skirt and feel sexy
82. run 10k
83. explore London (Ont.)
84. go hiking
85. try on a size 6 ... just to know what it feels like
86. motivate/inspire someone
87. compliment someone who really needs it (and REALLY mean it!!)
88. write everyday -- even if it's one line
89. learn something new about myself
90. read 100 books (even if I've read them before, but can't read them twice in this span)
91. lose 20lbs on weight watchers before leaving
92. try something new
93. have at least a 5 year plan by the end of 101 days
94. go to the movies by myself
95. stay away from facebook/perez/anything online that doesn't depend on my life for at least one entire day
96. watch the sunrise
97. watch the sun set on the beach
98. dance in the rain
99. hug a tree
100. jump in a pile of leaves
101. have a snowball fight
102. make a snowman
103. donate $1 for every goal I don't obtain in 1001 days
104. donate blood
105. spend an afternoon with JUST Molly, not at work
106. spend an afternoon with JUST Findley, not at work
107. take Gail and Mike out for dinner
108. take mum out for dinner
109. pay mum back for everything
110. don't eat past 9pm
111. learn to say no to food
112. learn to eat at least 3 servings of fruit/veg EVERYDAY
113. don't eat past 8pm
114. stop taking things personally
115. learn to eat 4 fruits/veg EVERYDAY
116. don't eat past 7pm
117. go to a restaurant by myself

Some of these are sort of repeats, but I figure if I do them in steps it'll make it a little bit easier to obtain (hence the reason I'm over 101). I might add somemore along the way :)