Out of sorts

I'm feeling really out of sorts lately and I dunno what to do. Life has been a little hectic between money woes and not being able to find a job :( And I'm not really sure who I have to turn to. Yeah, I've got friends, but all my good girlfriends live out of town ... and there's only so much you can say over the phone/net. I don't really feel like I have any close gf's in London to go and talk to. I have people who say they will be there for me, and people who i sit and listen to when they need a friend, but I don't really feel that I have anyone that I can share my deepest thoughts and worries with. Obviously I have Darryl, but there's only so much you can say to your bf.

Maybe my expectations are too high? But how can they not be? I've been hurt so many times in the past by some of these people that I have to put my guard all the way up. I used to trust way to easily and now I've found that I can't trust at all. I dunno what to do with myself. It's just bringing me down. And I feel like when I do get the chance to see/talk with my long distance friends I don't want to waste that time on depressing little things when I can catch up on all the exciting and happy things going on in their lives.

I feel like I'm always there for people, but most of the time it's never reciprocated :( And I'm not even sure I know how to make new gf's anymore. I mean I work for my sister, so i can't make friends there; and I'm not in school, so where else do people meet good people now? I'm making myself sound like a really depressing loner! And I'm not. I guess I'm just down cuz I miss the friends that aren't here. And I wish the girls that aren't here, could replace the stupid bitchy ones that don't actually know how to be friends that are here. Ugh. All I want to do is go over to a gf's house and chat now, but I'm stuck crying to my blog. What a bum.